Pascal's Wager

My wife and I first started dating when we were 14 years old. She was, and still is, a practicing Catholic (I know, it's amazing she puts up with my anti-religion thinking but she's just that strong). We had never spoken about religion so one day she asked me what I believed. I can still remember where we were. We were standing on a corner at a halfway point between her house and mine when I answered. I can remember so clearly because it was the first time I had been asked point blank about the subject and I wasn't sure how to answer. I remember saying something along the lines of "I don't know if there is a God but just in case, I believe." She seemed okay with that answer and I think it satisfied my mind as well. But within a year, maybe two, I found myself questioning my response. "Why should I believe in God just in case? Because of fear of Hell? But what is Hell? Do either of those concepts really exist?" It felt like I should be able to say "Yes, I believe" or "No, I don't" not "Maybe." I never mentioned it to her but I had decided on "No." The existence of "God" could not be proven so my logical mind told me I couldn't accept an idea based on an irrational fear of what lay beyond death. Without years of indoctrination, I just couldn't make that leap of faith.

Years later, while studying religion, I learned that this "just in case" belief is known as Pascal's Wager. Blaise Pascal was a philosopher/mathematician in 17th century France. He couldn't prove there was a God but he chose to believe anyway. He argued that you can't prove that God exists but if it is true and you believe then you go to Heaven. If it's true and you don't believe then you go to Hell. If it's not true and you believe then nothing is lost. If it's not true and you don't believe then you gain nothing. So there's nothing to lose and everything to gain if you believe in God. You should believe "just in case" because odds are you'll end up in Heaven, hence Pascal's WAGER.

I find the whole idea to be a cop-out. It's like saying "I might not get any presents for Christmas so I better believe in Santa just in case." This may work on little kids but as an adult you know too much. Either you believe or you don't. To me, there is no maybe. I also have an issue with it because it puts too much stock in Christian beliefs. You'd first have to concede the authority of the Judeo-Christian God and their concept of the afterlife, Heaven and Hell. But if I'm not sure about the existence of God shouldn't I believe in the Muslim, Hindu, and Buddhist afterlife "just in case"? And what makes these modern belief systems any more valid than the ancient Egyptian, Greek, and Roman concepts of the afterlife? The argument just falls apart. I will not believe out of fear and I don't think "God" would want us to. I am seeking and I encourage others to seek.

"Well, I was only a kid, on a holy crusade
I placed no trust in a faith that was ready-made
Take no chances on paradise delayed"
Neil Peart
The Big Wheel, 1991

A New Word

I learned a new word the other day:

aphorism - a tersely phrased statement of a truth or an opinion
American Heritage Dictionary

I work for the library and a little book by Franz Kafka came across my desk called The Zurau Aphorisms. Because it was Kafka I opened it to find short statements on each page reflecting on some generality of life. I immediately recognized the structure and said to myself "This is what I do." Have I been writing aphorisms and not known it? I always called them quotes but this was a better, more intellectual sounding word. I wanted to mention it because I've decided to start using it in my vocabulary and here on this blog. If I quote some other source than I will call it a quote but anything I write I will call an aphorism. I'll give a couple of examples to give a clearer idea of what I mean and these two intertwine nicely as a succinct picture of my view of the people I must interact with on a daily basis.

"I believe in no gods and I have no loyalties beyond my family and kin."
David Ege, 2006

With this, I wanted to express my beliefs very clearly. The only people in the world that really matter to me are my family and extended family (I like to use the word kin because I like old-timey sayings). This is my Sacred Canopy. The only people that can have any impact on my worldview and life. I have no loyalties to gods, country, or industries that supersede my dedication to these individuals. I consider my family to be my own relatives and my wife's family as we are now united in blood through our children. My kin are all those friends I've had for over 15 years. If we've stayed close for that long it's like family to me. Some people I've met in recent years have reached this status in my mind because of friendships formed outside the convenience of school/workplace relationships. We usually share common interests and worldviews so I feel a deeper connection. Most people I meet are just acquaintances even though in their mind we may be the best of friends. Which leads to my second aphorism:

"I care more about the shit I took this morning than I do about you."
David Ege, 2006

I don't say this just to be rude and get a rise out of people (although I am amused at how offended people get). I usually whip this out when I'm so annoyed with talking with an asinine coworker that I can't stand it anymore. I try to explain that I'm just trying to make a point but they're too caught up in being compared to shit to listen. Most people mean so little to me that I know they will have no bearing on how I conduct my life. I don't care what they say, I don't care what they think. It just doesn't affect me. That shit I took does affect me, it might indicate health problems that will impact my life. I don't debate people. Why should I waste my breath trying to change anybody's mind? These people don't mean anything. Believe whatever you want, just don't push it on me. I respect your right to think however you want so please respect mine. That's why I always say if anyone doesn't want to hear what I have to say just tell me. I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything, I'm just compelled to express my thoughts so writing and sharing them helps me clarify my own understanding. People often think I'm their best friend because I'm really good at feigning interest in whatever they're into. Who am I to tell anyone what they should enjoy in this life? You love to bowl? I'll listen to your stories of technique and scores even though I don't understand them. You're really into model trains? Cool, I can rap about that too. I rarely, if ever, challenge people when they're spouting off unless it's to point out a fallacy in their argument in order to prod their critical thinking skills. Like in the case of the hardcore Republican I worked with who was going off on how Republicans have more integrity than Democrats because when Democrats do something wrong they try to hide it but a Republican steps right up and admits to the wrongdoing. "But if they have so much integrity why are they doing something wrong in the first place?" He was stunned into silence. I wasn't trying to argue with the guy I just wanted him to see he needed to think about what he was saying more critically.

I studied Greek and Roman literature in college and came across this wonderful life lesson from the surviving works of a Greek 'squirearch', a man of standing in his city:

"Pretend in speech to be the friend to everyone, but share with no one anything at all that matters, or you'll find those wretched characters cannot be trusted in the reckoning."
Theognis, c. Late 7th to middle 6th century B.C.E

The only people I tell important things to are my family and kin. People I truly love and feel may accept or offer a meaningful insight.

The Sacred and The Profane

The French scholar, Emile Durkheim, is known as the father of sociology. In the late 1800's, he established the discipline as a legitimate field of study because he felt that society influenced all other spheres of human life. We are born into social structures, they shape our development into adulthood, and they continue after we die. Durkheim asserted that religion was a construct of society. The group is more important than the individual and religion acts as a reminder that individuals should sacrifice themselves for the greater good of society as a whole. Rituals and ceremonies must exist as the reinforcement mechanism and religious beliefs grow out of this. Beliefs can change over time but it is the rituals that are the constant. Society determines religion. Many critics have since disputed Durkheim's assumptions as an attempt to reduce religion to only an aspect of societal structures. Most agree that religion does serve as a social function that reinforces group solidarity, but this is not its sole function.

I mention Durkheim and his work for two reasons. First, I agree with his general premise that society has a great influence on human beings by establishing order and determining what is "normal." I feel that instances of mob mentality and persecution of "outsider" groups attest to this. I personally know it is difficult to not feel societal pressures especially in such areas as disciplining children in public where I don't want to be seen as a "bad" parent and must overcome this by telling myself "Fuck them! They can raise unruly bastards if they want. My kids will know to listen and act properly, it will serve them better in the long run." Second, Durkheim introduced terminology that I love and have taken into my vocabulary even though I have adapted the meanings to my own purposes. Durkheim spoke of the sacred and the profane. This was not a distinction between a natural and supernatural world. He saw sacred things as "superior. powerful, forbidden to normal contact, and deserving of great respect" and profane things as "ordinary, uneventful, and practical routine of everyday life" (Pals, 1996, p.99). The sacred always involved the greater concerns of the group while the profane was the realm of the individual. Durkheim lumps magic into the profane as this was more concerned with a single person rather than a group dynamic. This doesn't make sense to me and I think that magic should be considered part of the sacred.

I disagree with Durkheim's definitions because of their emphasis on the group versus the individual. I use these terms more as a distinction between the physical world and the realm of mystical concepts and ideas. To me, the Profane is the everyday world we are forced to live in. The societal structures we are forced to assimilate to in order to maintain an orderly society. The Sacred is the unknowable. The true reason we are here is to understand this unknown and its place in the human experience. This is why I would have a hard time when people would ask me "What do you want to do with your life?" Even now that I have decided on a "career" they ask me " What kind of librarian do you want to be?" as if I'm supposed to dedicate my life to this Profane world. I can't think of anything that I would waste my limited time and energy on other than the pursuit of the Sacred. I don't WANT to work, society FORCES me to work because I need money for other necessities like food, clothing, and shelter. My true purpose here is to understand that world that is just below the surface of this reality. I think that this is my real problem with religion, it offers a prepackaged path to the Sacred so people never have to seek it out for themselves. Instead they can focus on the profane things like accumulating wealth and trying to impress the masses. Durkheim's mistake was in thinking too small. The group he spoke of is not single cultures but all human beings. We all need to consciously seek to understand the Sacred as individuals in order to promote the growth of the group that we are all inextricably tied to - the human race.

I once truly believed that all we know comes from the physical world so this must be all there is. I have since seen and experienced too may strange things that do not conform to the logical patterns of my physical senses. I consider these events as coming into contact with the Sacred. It seems that there is a pervasive phenomenon in human beings that many call god or magic. It stretches throughout history and manifests itself in the religions and beliefs of every culture around the world. The Sacred can and does exist in a myriad of forms. I often tell religious people that I can get to the edge of the precipice and acknowledge that the Sacred exists, but when they jump off shouting "God" or "Jesus" I'm left peering over saying "Are you sure?"

(I actually had to do some research for this one.)
Pals, Daniel L. Seven Theories of Religion. New York: Oxford University Press, 1996.

That Was Strange

"There's some strange shit going on here, Coleman."
Billy Ray Valentine
Trading Places, 1983

I can still remember the first sign I ever saw. When I was in high school, our garage was the hangout spot. That's where we would gather to drink and smoke. I guess my mom always figured it was best if we were in one place rather than out roaming the streets. She never bought us any beer but she never really questioned the bags of cans piling up on the patio either. (CORRECTION: According to my brother, Steve, my mom bought alcohol all the time. I can't remember, I was more of a smoker than a drinker anyway.) We never threw any huge parties, there was always a tight knit core group with a few stragglers here and there every once in a while. We ranged in age from 17 to 20 with myself being the youngest and a friend being the oldest. There was me, my brothers, Steve and Josh, my cousins, Justin and Roger, Wayne, Otto, Alex, Rob, Darren, Mike, John, Heather, and Niki. We had some great times. We'd listen to music and just talk and laugh all night. My brother, Josh, even got a pool table and I wonder now how the neighbors put up with the noise. Alex was a bit of an odd duck and he used to buy this stuff called sweetgrass from a Native American store which we'd burn to cover up the smell of smoke. It was a million times better than incense because it didn't leave that bitter smell in your nose. He also saw us as a little tribe and one day he tried to fashion a medicine wheel from a stick bent into a circle and fastened with a rope. He never finished it but he hung it on the wall as a representation of our circle of friends. Those were the greatest times of my life. Not a care in the world. No thought of the future. Just pure laughter and enjoyment.

As my senior year came to an end, we were seeing each other less and less. One day I was in the garage by myself getting high and I lit some sweetgrass. Sweetgrass is woven into a braid so as it burns it starts to fall apart when it gets to the end. I remember staring at the embers and a big chunk fell loose and struck the ground. A perfect smoke ring puffed out upon impact and drifted lazily upward. I watched as one side caught the remaining braid and tore the ring. The rest of the smoke straightened out into an arrow with one end even having a pointed head. The arrow made a couple spins and pointed toward the wall before dissipating. I looked over at the wall and there was our friendship/medicine wheel.

At the time, I was completely blown away. Never having witnessed any sort of mystical event, I remember thinking "What a strange coincidence." My logical mind told me that this must be the kind of stuff people see and take as "signs from God." I could interpret this as meaning our circle of friends would be broken, but I know the universe is just totally random so I didn't put much thought into it. I just cataloged it into my memories as an interesting event. Although we stayed close after high school, those days in the garage were over as people got old enough to go out to bars or, in my case, moved away. I realize now that this was my first contact with the Sacred. As I got older I would see more and more strange things that reminded me of that day in the garage and I was forced to alter my view of the world as random, meaningless events. Something was reaching out to me but without a traditional religious upbringing I never called it "God." My mind was open to something beyond this physical world we live in and I've been trying to make sense of it ever since.

Read the Signs

The year is 1971. Bad Bobby Hughes and his crew have taken to robbing pharmacies and hospitals to get their drug fix. The best drugs can be found there: valium, cocaine, dilaudid. Members of the crew cause a diversion to distract staff while Bob goes to work in unsupervised areas stealing only the best. After a successful score, everyone in the crew indulges, basking in their good fortune of not only the score itself but also outsmarting the cops who raid their pad. Nadine, the youngest and newest member of the crew, pipes up that she would like to get a little dog for company when the others are out working. Bob's mood turns sullen. "No fucking dogs," he responds. Confused, Nadine pushes the issue and Bob really becomes upset. Diane, Bob's wife, explains that the two had previously owned a dog that ran away while they were doing a job and led the cops right to them. The couple was jailed and the dog was put to sleep. Bob is visually distraught during the recounting of the story and tries to ignore it by watching TV. But dogs appear on every station he flips to and he realizes that something bad has happened. Bob's life is ruled by luck and he knows when it's running good or bad, and this is a bad omen. He snaps at Nadine that she just put a 30 day hex on their activities just by mentioning dogs in their home. Since they're already shut down he tells the crew of other things that should not be done or spoken of for fear of greater consequences. Later that night, while Diane tries to console him, Bob explains why he thinks the way he does.
"Hell, I can't figure it out. I just know, from years of experience, the things to look for...and the signs...and y'know it's like whoever's managing such things is saying "Go out there and get it. It's there for the taking, kid. Everything's free this week. I'll let you know when your time's up." Y'gotta see the signs. Hell, all you gotta do is look for the signs."
Drugstore Cowboy, 1989

When I was still in the mind of a random universe I started seeing strange things that would make me say to myself "Man, that could be interpreted as meaning such-and-such." At the time, I just put them off as random coincidences that religious people might find meaning in. I knew it didn't really mean anything. Every now and again something would happen and I'd always take note, "Hey, there's another one." The more it kept happening, the more I couldn't ignore it. It seemed that once I decided to recognize these events as more than random occurrences, the more they seemed to appear. I kept my thoughts to myself and realized that had I lived 2000 years or more ago I would have probably been some kind of divinator reading the flights of birds and the entrails of animals. When I finally opened up about it to my best friend I seemed to draw him into this sphere with strange things happening between the two of us. Now I am fully ensconced in this way of thinking and I know that the world is not as random as I once perceived. I take note of every little detail of life as it happens and my decisions and actions are influenced by how I interpret little signs that seem to appear from nowhere. Like Bobby Hughes, these signs mean little or nothing to other people but they have lasting effects on how I live my life. I know how to read them and that's all that matters. This newfound belief has increased my inquiry into how reality is constructed and I wonder how much my own mind influences what I encounter in the everyday world. I am fascinated by the magic world of shamans from all cultures that has suffered under the strain of organized religions trying to eradicate this old belief system in order to impose the idea that these realms are beyond our reach and only attainable by "God." I think all humans possess these abilities but choose to ignore them. You just gotta open your mind and read the signs.

Our Sacred Canopy

Sociologists of religion describe our worldview as our sacred canopy. All of the views we have about the world are verified and reinforced by the people we surround ourselves with. This includes our ideas about politics, race, relationships, and religion. A person raised in a strict religious community will feel challenged by a different religious belief because it comes from outside their group. The group provides stability and a sense of identity so all outside forces are seen as opposition. This is how "cults" are formed when members are cut off from outside contact. Although, I've heard a strong argument that all organized religions have the same characteristics as "cults" (i.e. strong leader, strict rules, absolute obedience) but it's the number of people who believe in the "religion" that decides its legitimacy. Thirty-eight people killing themselves to get on a spaceship must be crazy, can't they just be like the millions waiting for Jesus to come back from heaven? The group belief reassures the believer that they're not crazy and this is the main function of the sacred canopy.

An individual thinking or acting a certain way is able to evaluate and question their thoughts and actions. This is always done in regard to what other people are doing, probably due to our nature as communal creatures. If others are doing the same thing, then we can justify our actions to ourselves as this being "normal" human activity. Humans surround themselves with people that think and act like themselves in order to maintain this sense of being "normal." All of our friends and family members constitute our sacred canopy. Our freewill allows us to select those who provide the necessary support and excise anyone we disagree with, including blood relations. If no one in that important sacred canopy is questioning the mythology of any given religion, then the adherents have no reason to change their way of thinking. Outsiders are outsiders, the Devil sent to crack the armor and move in for the kill. But just because a lot of people believe something doesn't make it normal or true.

One of the greatest films of all time, Goodfellas, comes from a book called Wiseguy by Nicholas Pileggi. This is the story of Henry Hill, a low level earner for the New York Luchesse mafia family, who made a living as a bookie/extortionist/drug dealer for almost 20 years until he was caught and turned in all of his associates. During his life of crime, Henry met and married a girl from a nice Jewish family named Karen. Karen had no previous criminal inclinations like most mafia wives who were Italian and grew up knowing about the mob and its activities because of relatives: fathers, uncles, cousins. Karen knew that Henry was breaking the law and did, at first, question his actions but eventually accepted his life. She stated that this acceptance came about from being around no one but mobsters on a consistent basis. Everyone's breaking the law, hurting people, and "earning" money so it all became very "normal." No outsiders were let in to question the lifestyle so it was easy to go along with.

Another instance of the formation of a sacred canopy comes as a direct result of the digital age we live in. Am I the only one that has noticed the explosion of strange fetishes since the proliferation of the internet? Billy Joe Jim Bob in the hills really loves to have sex with his horse, but he keeps it to himself. Then the Worldwide Web comes along and he finds people from all over the world who like the same thing, they form a club, and this group acceptance justifies their right to enjoy sex with a horse. "It's normal, everyone I know thinks it's acceptable."

My sacred canopy is made up of family and friends that enjoy laughing and having a good time. A key component of our relationship is that we don't discuss religion. I've been formulating my kooky ideas about religion for years but never brought them up because I thought my friends would have no interest. When I finally started to open up I was surprised when my brothers acknowledged and agreed with some of my premises saying things like "I've often thought like that" or "I thought I was the only one who noticed stuff like that." Were we influencing our sacred canopies without even knowing it? Were we creating a common sacred canopy through our discussion? I realized that there appeared to be something more going on in the construction of reality than I had previously thought. The way we perceive our reality creates our sacred canopy which is directly influenced by the social conditions we grow up in and the people we choose to interact with on a daily basis.